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It's been a while since I've had anything to say.
Went up to Maine last week to be with my Mamie one last time. I should have never touched her, she was so cold. Whats been getting to me lately is the thought of her underground.
I have no drive to do anything, and I really hate that feeling. There is so much to do at the store that I'm overwhelmed, therefor avoiding the store, but that can only go on so long right?
I just checked my voice mail and I had 24 unread messages. Most of them were from friends saying wtf? and the rest were artists who wanted to know if any of their things had sold, or the always awesome phone cals from bill collectors.
Went out yesterday with Renee and that was fun. We went to Salem Beer Works for dinner and had their famous 9 alarm wings.
Haven't felt like myself lately. I'm always on the verge of tears, and I'm afraid of being hurt more than ever. Not from any *one* in general, just a gigantic fear of loss and betrayal. I'm not sure where all these feeling are coming from. I'm tired if taking care of people and I'm tired of always feeling left in the dark.
Tomorrow I told the girls at the store that I'm going to take them out for a snack. Get us all on the same level. When I came home from Maine the store was a mess. *sigh*
I have a ton of books to read, magazines to flip through and products to research, but I just don't give a flying turtle shell right now.
I miss the North End, and wish I could visit more often.
Scrolled down the list of friends on my phone the other day and had a sad realization that I haven't spoken to many of them in almost a year.
My mom is doing worse than ever, caught myself thinking about what I would say about her at her funeral. I won't be able to live through it.
No one in my family has said congrats with the store.
Went to Vin's parents house for his moms birthday and I forgot to get her anything.
Don't belong, don't belong.
